Written by Elaine Cormack
21st November 2023
School absences are increasing. According to the news, almost one in five high school pupils miss a day each week. But what can we as parents do to support our children and young people, help them reduce their anxiety, to return to school and return to learning?
What do I do if my child refuses to go to school?
If your child is refusing to go to school, it is helpful to understand if it is due to emotional distress, anxiety, or other psychological or emotional reasons. This refusal to attend school is not typically related to other school absences for truancy or a desire to skip school for recreational purposes but is instead driven by a genuine fear or discomfort associated with going to school.
What are the Common Signs of School Anxiety?
School anxiety in children and young people often presents with a range of physical complaints as well as school absence, like headaches and stomach aches, accompanied by emotional distress such as excessive worry, tearfulness, and irritability, particularly when it's time for school.
Children and young people with school anxiety may engage in avoidance behaviours like trying to miss school, delaying morning routines, or avoiding social interactions. Academic performance may suffer, and they may exhibit separation anxiety when parting with their parents. Perfectionism and a fear of making mistakes are also common signs.
What is the School Absence Law?
In Scotland, education is compulsory for children and young people aged 5 to 16, as stipulated by the Education (Scotland) Act 1980. As parents or guardians, it is your responsibility to ensure your child receives an education, either through public or independent schools or approved alternatives like home schooling. Local authorities monitor and enforce school attendance, intervening when necessary. While exemptions exist for alternative education, such as home schooling, approval must be sought from the local authority, and education provided should be suitable for the child's age and ability.
Failure to ensure regular school attendance may lead to legal actions by local authorities, including attendance orders or education supervision orders. Thinking about this can be scary so it is important to talk to the school and let them know if your child cannot attend school due to anxiety.
How Can I Deal with School Absence Due to Anxiety?
If anxiety is stopping your child go to school, make appointments to talk to your child’s school and your GP. Doing this early is important. By sharing insights into their anxiety, what triggers it (if known) and what helps, parents and carers can provide valuable information to help schools and GP’s support them and their children.
These are some examples of the things a school might discuss in a meeting with you and your child that might help:
A temporary adjustment to school start and finish times
Your child or young person being met by a support teacher at the beginning of the day, and having a named member of staff who they trust to support them
Adjustments to class timetables
A temporary part-time timetable
Reduction in homework
Work to be undertaken at home to help them catch up on what they are missing
School counselling services
And there will be many people at the school to help you and your child, for example, Community Education Workers, Support for Learning Teachers and Assistants, Guidance Staff and School Counsellors.
How do I get my Child to go to School?
It is helpful if you can uncover the specific anxiety triggers associated with school attendance. Find a quiet time, when anxiety is lower, (not when you are trying to get them out the door at 8.30 in the morning) and try talking, but more importantly listening and understanding their fears, concerns, and feelings surrounding school. Sometimes open and empathetic communication is more likely to happen with your child or young person when you are doing something else: will they go for a walk with you, go out for a hot chocolate, a cake, a drive in the car, do crafting, or perhaps prepare food together? Or will they talk to another family member or friend of the family.
Also consider if there are potential underlying causes or past traumatic experiences that may be contributing to their anxiety, for example, exploring experiences of bullying, academic pressures, social challenges, or any distressing events associated with school.
However, I know from experience that sometimes it is very difficult for children and young people to be able to communicate why they are not able to go to school, they might not know themselves.
Creating a Supportive Home Environment
When children and young people feel heard and supported, they are more likely to confide in us, making it easier to address and overcome anxiety-related challenges together. An atmosphere of love, empathy, and active listening fosters a sense of security, essential for emotional well-being and resilience.
Tensions can of course run high, it is incredibly frustrating when our children refuse to go to school, we find it difficult to understand. We worry that their education will suffer, that the school will think badly of us as parents, that the police may get involved and so on.
Encourage open communication, give them time and support to express their fears and concerns without judgment, and listen. Positive reinforcement plays a crucial role in this process, as it reinforces their efforts and achievements, building their confidence and trust.
My Child is Struggling in School, What can I do?
Collaborative goal setting is a powerful strategy. Involve, if you can, parents, teachers, and therapists in setting SMART goals—goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. These goals provide a structured framework to address specific anxiety triggers and importantly to celebrate achievements.
Recognising and celebrating each step forward not only boosts confidence but also reinforces the notion that reducing anxiety about school is an achievable and rewarding journey. This collaborative and goal-oriented approach creates a positive and motivating atmosphere, empowering your child or young person to confront their fears and ultimately build resilience against school-related anxiety.
Crafting a step-by-step plan to reintegrate your child or young person into school is key to helping them overcome anxiety. This plan involves setting achievable milestones and carefully tracking progress to ensure a gradual, manageable return.
Examples of Goals |
Until Christmas, increase attendance at school by a half hour each week.· |
Staying in the school setting from 10 am to lunchtime each day for the rest of this week. |
How Can Hypnotherapy Help with School Absence?
Children tend to learn hypnosis more easily than adults because as part of their natural development they are imagining, fantasising, and pretending many times
a day, every day. You may have noticed how easily entranced children become by stories, television, and films.
You can read about some of the research in this paper, Hypnotherapy in children. New approach to solving common paediatric problems.
Hypnosis can be used with children from age 5 up to age 17, but please, only work with a hypnotherapist specially trained in working with children and young people.
To children and young people I would describe hypnotherapy as:
spending some time having a nice daydream
pretending or imagining
something you already know how to do, but maybe you didn’t know you knew
pretending to be somewhere else but still be here
As well as school refusal, a wide range of childhood problems can be treated with hypnosis, for example, anxiety, academic performance, asthma, allergies, concentration, fear of dentist, eating disorders, bed-wetting, exam and test nerves, headaches, nail-biting, obesity, pain, phobias, preparation for surgery, sleep problems, sleepwalking, sports performance, thumb-sucking.
The non-invasive nature of hypnotherapy makes it a gentle alternative, often less intimidating for your child or young person compared to other therapeutic approaches.
What Practical Tools Can Help?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques alongside hypnotherapy can help your child or young person manage and conquer anxiety.
CBT techniques help us learn to recognise and challenge anxious thoughts by teaching us to identify negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced and constructive ones. This empowering technique equips children and young people with valuable skills to navigate their emotions and anxieties more effectively. Parents and carers can play a important role in supporting CBT at home by engaging in practical exercises and activities with their children or young people.
Incorporating Hypnotherapy Sessions
A skilled practitioner ensures that hypnotherapy sessions are conducted safely and effectively. During these sessions, your child or young person can expect a relaxed and supportive environment, where they'll learn to access their subconscious mind to address anxiety triggers. Hypnotherapy can complement other interventions such as CBT techniques and SMART goals, providing an additional tool to empower your child or young person in managing and ultimately conquering their anxiety.
This holistic approach ensures that hypnotherapy aligns seamlessly with the broader strategy to create a nurturing and anxiety-free school experience.
How do I Know What I am Doing is Right?
Regularly evaluating the effectiveness of interventions in helping your child or young person manage school anxiety is vital for their progress. It's a dynamic process that allows you to fine-tune your approach based on their responses and needs. By closely monitoring their emotional well-being and academic performance, you can identify what's working and what may need adjustment.
Empowering Your Child or Young Person
Whilst it may not seem like it at the time, school anxiety can be transformed into an opportunity for growth and empowerment for your child. Through the transformative tools of hypnotherapy, they can build resilience and self-esteem. CBT techniques will equip them with practical techniques to confront anxiety and foster a growth mindset that emphasises learning and progress over perfection. By teaching self-soothing techniques and encouraging positive self-talk, we gain a sense of agency over anxiety, ultimately forging a path toward greater confidence and emotional resilience in the face of school-related challenges.
Success Story Ruth, a bright and imaginative 12-year-old who, for years, grappled with severe school anxiety after moving to a new school. Her mornings were filled with tears, stomach aches, and worries about fitting in and academic performance. Ruth's parents sought professional help from a therapist who used a multifaceted approach, incorporating CBT and hypnotherapy. The therapist worked with Ruth to identify anxiety triggers, challenge negative thought patterns, and instil confidence. Ruth's parents provided unwavering support, maintained open communication with teachers, and, with the therapist's guidance, helped Ruth set achievable goals. Over time, her anxiety lessened, and she not only attended school consistently but also engaged in extracurricular activities and made new friends, showcasing the transformative power of early intervention and therapeutic techniques in overcoming school anxiety. |
|---|
In Summary: Empowering Your Child or Young Person to Overcome School Anxiety
By fostering an atmosphere of understanding, and with the right interventions, your child or young person can develop resilience and ultimately thrive and return to learning and to school. In supporting children and young people facing school-related anxiety, a holistic approach, combining hypnotherapy, CBT techniques, and goal setting, can be powerful. Hypnotherapy taps into the subconscious to reprogram negative thought patterns, while CBT provides practical tools to challenge and manage anxiety. Collaborative goal setting sets achievable milestones, with an emphasis on celebrating small victories. However, it's crucial to underscore the significance of patience, unwavering support, and persistent efforts in this journey.
Next Steps?
|
​ |
Your child's journey to conquer school anxiety begins with the first step. If you're ready to empower your child or young person to overcome school-related anxiety and build a brighter future, I am here to help you and them. Contact Elaine at MindTr!p Hypnotherapy today for more information or to schedule a consultation. Let's work together to ensure your child's success, confidence, and well-being. Don't wait - act now and make anxiety-free school days a reality. |
Contact Elaine at MindTr!p Hypnotherapy today for more information or to schedule a free consultation. |
Let's work together to ensure your child's success, confidence, and well-being. |
​Don't wait - act now and make anxiety-free school days a reality. |
Comments